My name is Nakada, the guy whose name got called in school and everyone else laughed because they thought it was a girl’s name. Originally from Kingston, Jamaica, I moved to Fort Lauderdale, Florida when I was 10 years old to live with my father. My lifestyle changed drastically. Almost overnight I went from a poor student to an great one, a kid who fought in school everyday, to one who fought in school every few months and within three years, none at all. I went from living with my mother and aunts to my father and step-mother. I went from a country where 97% of the people I ever saw were black, to a country where I had to learn about the downsides of being black in America. I went from having a distant father, to at home every day strict father who was determined that I’d be educated at the highest level. I endured a great culture shock in my coming to America, however, much of who I am is attributed to my ability to adapt to my surroundings and thrive.
My father is a Jamaican born, Canadian bred bio-chemist entrepreneur who after losing millions in the business world, in 1981 decided he wanted go back to his birth land to get reacquainted with the culture there. In Jamaica, my father is considered a “white man.” But in his mind, he’s a black panther. My mother is a country girl who left the farm house lifestyle for the bright lights of the big city. She was a good girl who didn’t even leave her father’s house till she was 21 years old. My mother is the epitome of the 1970’s Jamaican Dancehall, Rock Steady music culture. She loved to dance, was tall and dark like most men liked and she was a great money handler, which made her popular in the downtown Kingston hustlings.
I introduce my parents because my book Heart On Break brought me back to them. Any man in search of himself will spend a considerable amount of time analyzing the impact his parents has had on where he is now. Much of who we are and how we behave can be directly attributed to our parents-whether absent or present. My father and mother were from different worlds and he loved her. But he got caught up with another woman who was determined to keep him under her spell and that she did. I’m not sure if my father ever had the opportunity feel the love and appreciation he desired from the women he married. I know that I have a high propensity to repeat my father’s and mother’s mistakes in life, so I pay close attention as I mature. I’ve long despised the idea of the kind of love and marriage that my father’s marriage exposed me to. I’ve witnessed the varying degrees of marriage and how constructive or destructive it can be for the soul of a man. Many men marry out of a sense of obligation without ever feeling that strong sense of obligation to fulfilling their own needs in life. My book is about that void; that space in a man’s mind and heart that needs freedom- the freedom to be true to himself in every aspect of his life. Many men are making huge mistakes by choosing to continuously entertain relationships with women without having seriously chased after their purpose that they absolutely must fulfill before love relationships become rewarding.
In my quest to help men realize their infinite potential and to pursue their purpose, I’ve found that man certainly isn’t best suited to be alone. But there’s a time and place for love in every man’s life. Every man should be able to use his life as a map for his success. A serious break from relationships will provide a man on a mission the time to analyze his past and present behaviors to use his experiences and his resources to help him accomplish his mission. My father always spoke of securing my winnings and how important it would be to have resources and reserves before I marry, but he never gave me good council on what was in it for me. Perhaps, because marriage is for the woman’s security? Well if it is for the woman’s security, my advice is to win big for yourself before you ever marry; live a life that helps you fulfill your purpose and when it is time to marry, you’d already be living in bliss.
I encourage men single urban men and fellow black men to rededicate their lives to the fulfillment of purpose. Many of us have children who would be better suited to thrive in tomorrow’s world if you lived a life of purpose and fulfillment that you actively share with them. I, Nakada, am at your service.