So a buddy of mine shared a video on FB and in the video this guy explains why a mother is more beneficial to the family if she doesn’t work outside of the home (not the breadwinner). I listened and I agreed, but then I remembered—this is 2017! Women ain’t trying to hear this sh*t! They’ll think it’s a form of oppression just because a man suggested it. But I trolled the comments and eventually made a remark in response to a thread of comments that were happening.
Naturally, the well-spoken and highly educated single women, who vehemently oppose male leadership in any form had much to say- like how sexist the man is being; how men (esp black men) can’t afford to have stay at home wives; how a woman should be able to do whatever she wants especially if she’s accustomed to working outside of the home and enjoys it and how today’s women are the breadwinners. This had me thinking, what is a breadwinner then? So I had to comment.
My commentary revolved around the idea that things have changed a lot in just the last two generations and they’re unlikely to ever return to the way they should. I’m not saying that things were better 80 years ago because perhaps it was better 200 or 600 years ago in terms of man to woman relations. But even as recent as 80 years go (two generations), roles weren’t confused and leadership was undeniably crested unto the men who have shown their capacity to do so—within families, communities and society (not self-declared male leadership). When I say leadership, I don’t necessarily mean it in the dictatorship style that most of us have grown accustomed to accepting as leadership. My definition of it is much more expanded and includes the intangibles that good, balanced male leadership provides. All I was saying is that the qualifications of who the “breadwinner” is has drastically changed. Many components of what makes a man a “breadwinner” has been socially marginalized for the benefit of convincing women that they are better off as the “breadwinner.” While many of the overall components of what make men the natural leaders are still intuitively a part of us, many of the men with the natural aptitude to be breadwinners or leaders are not considered as such and they are not being prepared to be that. It’s all being socially re-engineered to create mass confusion among men and women.
For example, how often do you pass a construction site and see teams of women outside in the hot ass sun building the actual homes or structures?
What about on the roads and highways; how often do you see women there repairing the roads?
What about the army or even self-defense; how often do you see women going out to fight “wars” or physically defending other women?
These examples are not up for debate. They’re based on the reality of today—that the men are the primary builders who create for the benefit of all. Men are also the primary defenders of women and children- whether it’s the actual man of the house or the police offers who get called. Whenever this changes, then anyone can come to me with a legitimate argument that a woman’s capacity to build, lead and protect is equal to that of a man who has been taught these roles. You see, like I demonstrated with these examples, leadership isn’t only about saying go left and everyone goes left because you’re the assigned leader. In that capacity, directing isn’t the same as commanding. Leadership is about saying we must go left and he who charts that directive is prepared for whatever may happen when everyone does go left. Which means that if they get ambushed (think practical) then the leader has a strategy to protect everyone in the face of sudden danger. There are many boys masquerading in society as men who are ill prepared to even deal with the consequences of their own decisions, much less the consequences of making decisions that affect more than just himself.
Likewise, I know very few women who want to be accountable for their own decisions in general so I know that the majority of women don’t want to be 100% accountable for the fate of others outside of her children. But this is not a knock to women. Rather it’s recognizing intuitively who they are to us and why their role is unique in the lives of every human being all together. A woman can do anything, no doubt, but she’d be more valued in her family, community and society when she excels in doing what comes naturally to her. It’s unfair to force her into masculine positions and reward her for “doing a good job” while she’s deteriorating from the heavy workload.
A man has to have the capacity and ability to lead himself, first and foremost. So when I hear the collective grievances of women who’ve found themselves being led by men who couldn’t lead themselves, I understand their disappointment. It’s a fact that today’s men aren’t fully evolving into the height of what masculinity should represent on this planet due to the heavy dosage of toxic masculinity being fed through the media and the school systems. Many of us are chasing shadows of masculinity; false ideals of leadership and material accumulation for the purpose of pleasing or impressing women.
What makes the man the “breadwinner?”
Today’s definition of breadwinner has been more associated to one’s ability to earn an income that provides the so called bread or food for the family. With such an easy to attain title, surely women who earn more money or just a good income can easily title themselves as such, right? If a woman has a better paying job than you, her or others in society will seek to tag her with the title of the breadwinner and that’s supposed to hurt a man’s feelings. Not mine, though, because I know that being a man is more than whether or not you can go to work for another man to make money.
Just think of all the intrinsic benefits (real) men provide and you let me know who the real breadwinner should be. Men should really consider their use outside of just money because there will come a time again when that’s important and women should ask themselves:
What if she has a great job, with great pay, but you’re a farmer who grows and supplies all the food for the family?
What if she makes more money than you, but your engineering skills allowed for you to set the house up on solar or wind energy and the money from that job never goes towards living expenses because that’s your domain?
What if she has a great job, but you and your brothers built the house from bottom to top and planted all the food in the gardens?
What if she makes a bigger income than you, and someone attempts to steal something from your home at night; will she tell you to wait here while she goes and secures the place?
Money doesn’t make a man the breadwinner, but it’ll never make a woman the leader of mankind. Only a skilled man will even have the capacity to do the things I mentioned above, so that should give you an idea of how manhood needs to be expanded. But the idea I’m drilling home here is that an evolved man, who knows how to survive in this world based on ancient principles can protect the best interest of his family and community with the use of these essential masculine survival skills.
Why do you think there’s no more wood shop in high school? Because that’s a tangible skill that you can use to provide for yourself and your family. Men should have a problem with the fact that you can’t be a carpenter, electrician or welder straight out of high school anymore. And they should think about what depriving these essential skills from young men is doing to them. The less training and apprenticeship a young man receives, the less likely you are to find out which skill or talent you can use to secure the survival, protection and well-being of yourself and your family. It’s important for a young man be given time and development to help him to discover this (ages 14-21). What you see happening today is all by design and at it’s best, is just a grand illusion that hold men back from reaching peak maturity within their masculine identity in the universe. The skilled and prepared man isn’t the typical man of today who is on a villainous ego power trip to conquer others. The ones who didn’t get access to masculine development are usually the ones who don’t know themselves and fall victim to society’s ploy to rid the world of masculine men who can lead and protect their families.
She can never be an efficient breadwinner
Women are not the so called breadwinners that they are being socially programmed to be. There aren’t many women who consider themselves to be breadwinners and are happy. And over years and years of being this strong breadwinner, the evidence has shown that these women are more likely to be affected by disease and sickness.
Toxic masculinity is the number one variable forcing more women to be independent minded breadwinners rather than interdependent partners. Yet still, most women but would rather be loved, protected and ensured that the children they have will grow up safe and happy. I’m not pressed to believe any ideals that the media has infected us with over the last 80 years—you shouldn’t be either and you certainly shouldn’t allow it to affect your own perceived value of yourself—because as a man, you are the breadwinner; your family, your woman and your community need you at your best in order to survive. Don’t be so quick to adopt new ideals, especially when previous ideals were working just fine.