Retired baby daddy, loving father - Heart On Break
Single Fathers

Retired baby daddy, loving father

Written by Nakada

There’s a difference between the baby daddy and the father in today’s cultural dictionary. We all think we know who the baby daddy is based on urban music and movies’ over emphasis on his minuscule role in the children’s lives he’s fathered. Father sounds nice and well respected, but fathers are the ones who are constantly getting drug through the mud when they find themselves divorced or separated from the mother of their child whom they no longer wish to be with (even if she cheats or leave you get dragged). You see, fathers take care of homes—not specifically babies. Baby daddies on the other hand, they kind of do live up to the hype—they’re ladies men with no firm grip on their children’s lives even if they’re involved because they give too much power to the mothers. In many cases baby daddies are just not the head of any particular household and not having your own sh*t for your children to partake of will bite any man in the ass eventually. You don’t have much to pat yourself on your back for if you pay high bills associated with your children, but have no where to live. Don’t believe any doctrine or societal norm that puts you as a lower priority to women and children. If they depend on you so much to make it in this life then clearly you must first be in a position to take care of them. A lot of us shot ourselves in the ass by having children prematurely, though.

Growing up as my father’s free labor slave I was able to garner a very good understanding of many of the facets that fatherhood includes. I wasn’t ready for what I was getting into when I became a father. But I had a home for my child and everything else the child and mother would need to be comfortable. But there was a huge elephant named truth that would bear its head soon enough. That truth was—I was reckless and she got pregnant and I’m literally just doing what I gotta do to be there for my child. I didn’t know her well enough before she got pregnant, and even though I have attempted to compromise what I want to stick it out for the child, I had to end the relationship. I tried counseling and all kinds of band aids in attempt to “do it for the child,” but I couldn’t fool myself into doing it just for the child no matter how hard I tried.  I had plans to marry a woman I like- not stay with one because she got pregnant. But I was out there acting like a baby daddy and got exactly that.

 

Why single moms hate father behavior

Father behavior as a single father means your concern is primarily for the needs of the child– not the needs of the woman whom you’ve already left (probably more than once). If you’re super single where you’re with your children alone and they’re young, it means you have to constantly show tenderness with the small children and the mothers notice this extra care you give when it’s raining and you come outside to pick her up without waking her. Or how when he’s sick, how concerned you are over him feeling better. I thought these were all positives, but lets be real, they hate that shit!  I’ve seen the eyes of women who yearned for the love that I have based on the love they see me share with my children. Women are attracted to a man’s capacity to love and if a father is loving to his children, but not their mother, the mother who is in need of love will rebel against the child/children’s father in her pursuit for some love, too.

 

Why single mothers love baby daddy behavior

They love baby daddies because they don’t always have to respect you. The average Western minded single mother believes she’s everything a child needs anyways so the ‘baby daddy’ is for her pleasure– to keep her coming and fork over cash until she no longer needs his services. Except for one thing, she’ll need his services more than he’ll need hers. Despite the fact that the baby daddy is a toy to her, she knows he cares, unlike the new guys who don’t give AF. She also knows that the baby daddy is a guy many women want to be with still so she wants to be his first priority, even if that means using the child to position herself as such. She’s gonna love that the baby daddy in you had to tap that ass ever so often to keep things perpetually f*cked up between you two. Sex seems to only make crazy dysfunctional people more intense and rabid. The baby daddy in you knows how to turn on the charm and buy nice stuff she likes because baby daddies must cater to their baby mothers’ emotional needs. Without some level of catering, the baby daddy slowly loses his appeal and everybody knows he’s not ready to see her with another guy.

Ultimately, though, she feels that a baby daddy is a part time baby sitter with no rights to the child. She want’s to keep him as her on demand dildo, fully consumed with her needs to the point where he hardly has time to spend time with his children. Even if the baby daddy contributes financially, he’s still being manipulated to do more for her. All the while she seeks to leverage interests from other men to boost her perceived value, but she has no real intention of leaving the baby daddy alone. As long as she gets money and her baby mamma sex ever so often, she can live with this until she finds something better.

When I began this journey as a baby daddy, I didn’t realize that the baby daddy was just a tool or toy to this kind of woman. I didn’t know the script was already written and that the outcome was predetermined. I was a first generation baby daddy, I didn’t know shit about how this was supposed to go. I didn’t understand that there would always be a problem at her house for me to come fix. I didn’t realize that moving on as a baby daddy meant that I’d basically have multiple homes that I’d be stretched between in order to be fully a breasted on the daily well-being of my offspring. I didn’t realize that having children in separate homes meant that I couldn’t protect them as my father protected me. This is perhaps my greatest failure in this all. This wasn’t what I wanted for myself or my children, but that’s what I ended up creating from a couple years of Tiger Woodsing it.

Eventually being a baby daddy will became too stressful for any man. There’ll never be a respect factor for you as a father no matter how much you pay, no matter how much time you spend with the children, no matter how much the children love spending time with you, no matter how loving and caring you are to them. This is a preset mentality designed to work men to death for the benefit of women whose last meaningful relationship never happened, but think they deserve to be Single Mother of the Year. Ultimately as a baby daddy, you’ll see that you’re the stupid one, not her.  She got the cute, pretty baby she always wanted. Meanwhile you never even got a good nights rest laying next to her.

 

Why I’m a horrible baby daddy

I’m a horrible baby daddy b/c I don’t play by the baby daddy rules anymore (granted that much of the damage has already been done). I remember one day when she invited me over to “talk.” She had my favorite recreational drug laid out for me with food, music and good conversation; place smelling good, looking warm and inviting. She tried to make small talk, but I literally was like WTF is going on here? This was perhaps the first time I had seen all the trappings laid out and knew that I wasn’t going to be weak, no matter what. She said to me that sex is a natural thing that happens between separated parents and that there’s no need for me to continue denying her. I asked her if she was smoking crack?!! She said, “so you mean to tell me we’re never going to have sex again?” and she laughed in a sinister kind of way. Then she asked me again if I was seriously going to continue this (four months without d*ck from me). I looked at her and said, “after all that I’ve seen from you, you think I’m going to go back to doing the same sh*t with you again?” The answer was no- there’ll be no more sex and I knew things would become indefinitely more difficult between us, but it’s the road I have to travel. Things have never been peaceful for longer than a week since then.

I’ve learned that my good d*ck and meaningful conversation is a privilege to have and guess who no longer gives it out for the free—me! I’m also not interested in more children unless I marry the most adorably submissive wife who has family building as her her top priority in life. I’m a horrible baby daddy because I’m never going to sleep with my or any other baby’s mother ever again, not even to make peace. I’m a horrible baby daddy because as a man I’m gentle enough to cater to my young children’s needs to the point where their mothers  leave them with me without visiting for weeks at a time. I’m a horrible baby daddy because 90% of  I spend time with my children is without their mothers around and the children now prefer it that way. I’m a horrible baby daddy because I didn’t need their mothers when the kids cried or when they were sick. I’m a horrible baby daddy because now I’ve learned to tell the mother to go f*ck herself when she makes it difficult for me to see and spend time with my child because she’s in her feelings.

I’m a horrible baby daddy because I finally see the big picture—the kids need me. It’s not I who need them. And that sh*t hurts me to my core, but it’s the truth. I’m not a single mom who feels she needs the child to feel loved or give love to—I’m a man who will move on, marry and God willing, have more children. My role is to give the best of myself for first my benefit and then my family’s. If I can’t do that then I’m just a shell of a man existing for the approval of others.

I’m also a horrible baby daddy because at this point I view myself as an equal; not a lesser because I’m a man. My children are past breastfeeding these days, so spare me that exception. I’m a horrible baby daddy because I know the truth now about myself and my situation now. I know that my children will be used against me to inflict vengeful pain upon me and I’ve already grown tired of this so I girded my loins and pray that the children survive the mind f*ck of why mommy chose to uproot them from daddy and is now hopelessly looking for love in every corner. I’m especially a horrible baby daddy because I don’t let that sh*t affect me anymore. My children love me in ways that make their mothers jealous and the fact that they’d purposely move the children so I can have less access to them makes them nothing and no one to me but a surrogate. Your hurt is not greater than the needs of the next generation and for all the mothers or fathers reading this who think your pain is more important than your child’s relationship with both their parents—he/she may have hurt you, but you’re a piece a sh*t for playing games like these. It took me years to realize that I can’t protect my children from their mothers, but by virtue of not marrying them, they can use measures to eliminate me from the picture just to try to inflict pain upon me. It didn’t take me long to realize that this isn’t a game I want to play forever.

Why I’m the best father

I’m the best father because I understand that I need to be able to give to my children more than just food, clothing and shelter. I’m the best father because I don’t have to program my children to favor me or make them my best friends for them to love and respect me. I’m the best father because I value their mothers’ roles even though I’m not with them. I’m the best father because I know how to be one—every role model male in my family has been a present father. I’m the best father because I know how to give my love to them to empower their growth as little people. I’m the best father because I desire nothing more than to be there for them every day just like I’m supposed to be. I’m the best father because everything I work towards right now is about having enough to share with them. I want my role as a father to give them the courage they need to become their full and authentic selves in life.

My goal as a father is to know my children better than Phil Jackson knew Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen in order to help them win at their perspective callings in life. I want to know their true essence so I can guide them to become who they’re destined to be—not just what I or society needs them to be. I want to get out of their way by not making it all about me and my need to feel important about my role. I provide that firm wall they cannot push down, that teaches them respect and how to follow instructions in life.

Back in my baby daddy days I was primarily concerned with the women and how they were feeling about me, but to my father character, their feelings are only as relevant as to how it affects the children. The father side of me is a protector, a provider and a teacher to my children. But the father in me is unwilling to play this role only to appease to the children’s mother(s) or to anyone else’s standards of parenting. I don’t agree with a lot of what society spews about men, women and children because I know 90% of it is societal programming. The minds of single women are being programmed to align them against their children’s fathers because ‘he didn’t marry me.’ Single mothers will naturally be insecure when there’s no husband to secure her. And single mothers will always be shocked and jealous when they see that the man who was so affectionate with them is no longer affectionate with them, but is now only giving his love and affection to his children. That’s dog eat dog right there! This is the kind of woman who wants to push a father into the baby daddy role so she can get some temporary love from a man she knows she can’t even love in return.

There’s a difference between the two characters. I don’t recommend any father who wants to be all in with his children to settle for less just because of the mother. Don’t fall for being a baby daddy. Be the father you want to be and if you can’t, create the situation for you to do it. Court papers help you see your children, but they don’t fix the mindset that causes the problem. Do that if you have to because the pain of missing your children can sometimes be too much for a father to bear. In the process, sometimes it means you won’t settle for the control games that the mother will play and you’ll have to wait till you get your day in court. Be firm, because acquiescing to play this game only hurts you and the child in the long run. Be willing to work hard for your ideal life and make that life big enough for all your children. Even if there’s static from the mother, when you elevate yourself, you won’t be able to feel the negativity she’s spewing.

 

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About the author

Nakada

When I followed my penis I got caught up. I then started following my purpose and all of a sudden everyone's up in arms about what I need to be doing with my life. They got mad, I politely told them to go f*ck themselves and continued to follow my purpose. Better pissed off than pissed on b/c no longer will I live for another soul but me. My book is about the break men must take to own their lives!

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