All single men need to reset their new year’s resolution to be a serious commitment to actually being single in 2017.
Why? Simple. Just look at what’s going on in the relationships world and be real about it; you too are somewhat infected by some degree of this f*ckery. I know I’ve tried to act like I wasn’t infected, but I’ve been through the BS of baby mama drama, child support, being a “playboy,” and casual sexual relationships only to realize that this was not what I wanted for my life. Taking a legitimate break to be single is a part of the solution to ending diseased relationships. Ultimately, the woman you choose is always a reflection of you, no matter how damaged she was before you. If you’ve got a woman (more specifically a wife) and she’s in full support of you being your greatest self, then you do what you must to keep her by your side. But if you’ve got a diseased relationship ; one that just can’t get right, then end it with the quickness b/c there’s an 83% chance she’s not going to change (neither are you). When you decide to take a break, what you’re demonstrating is that you’re no longer settling for less, but instead you’re committed to doing what you have to do so you can become the best version of yourself.
It’s either 2017 is your year or you’ll spend another year distracted by work, dysfunctional relationships and a lack of courage to accomplish your dreams. I don’t care who you are, if your goals and dreams aren’t accomplished yet and the woman (or women) you’re with now isn’t helping you get closer to them, you gotta let her go to walk the path of your calling in life. Sometimes as much as you love her, her presence contributes to why you feel stuck and your goals seem so far away (b/c you’re giving her too much time). It’s time to get unstuck and if you have to end it, just keep it 1000 with her.
10 Reasons for men to be single in 2017
1. You can’t afford to date
No man wants to say this about himself, but many started dating and having sex with no credentials other than good looks and social status. My father had this saying when I coming up, “you’re too broke for a girlfriend.” I used to think it was one of his jokes that he’d always say, but it took me like 10 years to realize the truth in this. A lot of guys want to Netflix and chill simply because they don’t have money to spend on dating. And while it works when you’re high status and good looking, you’re covering up the truth that your life isn’t where you want it to be financially, but you’re about to smash something anyways. Money shouldn’t matter in regards to who you love, but it tells your story of where you are in life at the moment.
When you step on the scene you want to be able to do so feeling good about your life and your finances. Your finances are for you and having them in check means that you’ve been doing the necessary work needed to take care of yourself. I’m not big on expensive dates with strange face women anyways. I’d rather take my mother out somewhere nice to eat. However, if you’re healthy (state of mind) enough to date, dating shouldn’t be expensive. The first few dates are just to see if you can thoroughly enjoy her company anyways. You don’t want to spend $300 dollars on a date with someone who is just there for the ambiance of a nice restaurant. Even if you got the money to spend, hold back.
2. You’re still seeking the validation of others
I know I’m not alone on this one. Thankfully, this is a ‘been there, done that’ type of thing for me now. Seeking validation is like internal peer pressure. You know you want to do something, but you’re thinking what would your friends, family and strangers think if they saw you doing it instead of thinking this what I want and I don’t care what anyone thinks because this is what I want. We’ve been trained like dogs to seek approval from the people who we value in our lives. Men don’t realize that this is how they end up being someone else’s puppet on a string. It could be your mother, your father, your siblings, your friends or your woman. There’s this built in mechanism inside of men that actually wants to please women- especially mom and your lady, but this built in mechanism can be easily manipulated by them and others.
There’s nothing wrong with being the person that can be there for others and it’s OK if you want to run things by your mentors. But there’s something wrong when you can’t do what you need to do for yourself without the approval of others. There’s something wrong if you feel you need others to believe in your dream in order for you to go after it. People will always have opinions like, that’s not a good idea or don’t do that because my friend did it and he failed. A lot of times these same people are holding you back and you’re totally unaware that their small mindedness won’t ever approve of your big dreams. Don’t ask for anyone’s opinions or anyone’s approval for what you know you need to do in your life. Don’t buy something because others will like it- buy it because you like it. Don’t wait until your family or friends start supporting your dreams for you to finally follow your dreams. Don’t allow anyone to tell you to go left when you know you must go right. If you know you’re still struggling in this department of your life- you need to be single to work this out on your own. Adding a woman to your life when you lack confidence in yourself can be hazardous for you.
3. You’re not a man of your word
Stop thinking it’s cool to always arrive 30 minutes to an hour late. That sh*t becomes acceptable only when you’re around people who tolerate mediocrity. Some will say its’ no big deal if you got there at 7:30 for a 7pm start time. If you believe that, then you’ve been infected with mediocrity and it may be too late for you. It’s a big deal if everyone says you’re always late. What many men are missing is a sense of commitment to the words they speak and they don’t understand how this is affecting their lives.
Those mediocre people who are used to you breaking your word; who adjust for you to be 30 minutes to an hour late; who think it’s OK that you can’t stick to one thing are enabling you and they’re allowing you to get comfortable with not being a man of your word. Get that tit out your mouth and start doing everything you say you will. If it’s not in your heart to do, don’t commit to it- it’s that simple. Party starts at 7 pm, be there at 7 pm. That’s what it means to be committed to your word. Every time you break your commitment or your word, you should make a new commitment and stick to it. Nobody’s perfect, but this practice will help you remain focused on being who you say you are. If you can’t consistently honor your word, then you probably don’t do the things you say you’re going to do even for yourself. But you want to do everything for a woman? GTFOH! If you can’t keep your word at least 85% of the time you should stay single till you’re at least an A student.
4. Your woman isn’t cooperative
For the guys who have a woman, I got one thing to ask- is she loyal, is she grateful, is she cooperative?
How are you going to build an empire with an uncooperative woman as your wife? There are many good men who waste time arguing or trying to convince hurt, masculine women to follow their lead, but she’s her own man and isn’t interested in being submissive (cooperative) because she doesn’t trust men because of this and that experience in life. You think all the arguing is cool because maybe your mom was a strong independent single mother who took no sh*t from any man. If you want a wife in your life, that isn’t the standard you want your woman to live up to at all. Thank your mother for being strong and raising you without a man’s help, but don’t act like this is the bedrock of strong families. A woman who thinks she’s the leader, talks to you like you’re her son and gets up in your face when she’s upset is a man with tits and a vagina. I don’t care how good the sex is, she’s been masculinized (new word).
If you can’t ask her to do something and it gets done at least 80% of the time- then she’s uncooperative. Why TF do you want a woman who is only cooperative 60% of the time or less? That’s mediocre- if you’re mediocre then maybe that’s good enough for you. Also, a cooperative woman doesn’t have to be a foolish woman who just goes along with everything a man says either. What she must be is a woman who understands and is in agreement with YOUR plan and the direction YOU want to take your family and because of that she’s cooperative and committed to the plan. Cut her from the team if she can’t cooperate with you. Don’t waste time trying to convince her with your words. Your actions should speak loud enough to command her cooperation.
5. You’ve got baby mama drama
Real baby mama drama is when she still has feelings for you and you still have feelings for her, but you guys can’t get your individual lives in check to make it together as a couple. You know what I’m talking about- when you’ve broken up and gotten back together at least three times over the course of years. That’s when the fights are big and the tears are real. Men make it worse when they’re trying to move on to new relationships but the baby mom won’t let go- so she causes as many problems as she can come up with. There are some legitimate reasons for baby mama drama that men cause by continuing to f*ck her just because she’s his baby’s mother and it’s easier than getting his sh*t together and finding someone new. Sometimes people do this to each other because they fear moving on.
Money is a major source of baby mama drama, but it’s usually just an excuse a hurt woman uses to hurt you back. If she wants financial child support, give it to her or have her give you the child to take care of. Ultimately, if she can’t support herself then she should get married to a man who can support her. But she’s probably too caught up on you to know that it’s time for her to find a husband.
If you guys can’t have a cordial relationship or friendship, then she’s a “mother bill.” I keep it simple with mine. If you don’t have positive words for me, I ain’t got sh*t to say but hello and updates on the child. The way it is today is that if you care a lot about the child and you’ve got a “baby mama,” then she’s going to use the child to get to you, especially if she’s been hurt by you. But you can’t pay her to forgive you if you’ve hurt her. That’s a process she must go through in her own heart. Ultimately you have to do whatever you have to do to make sure that she’s not a pain in your ass that contributes to stress that hurts your ability to be the man you need to be for yourself and your family. A hurt baby mother is a dangerous woman and unfortunately for many men, you may have to distance yourself from her completely and go through the court systems to ensure you get time with your children. But take baby mama drama seriously- it’s a reflection of where you are in life and the open doors from your past relationships. If you’ve got the baby mama drama, you should minimize it as much as you can before you even consider to be in a relationship with anyone new.
6. You’re not disciplined
We’re not born disciplined people. It’s a path that men who want to accomplish self-mastery choose for themselves. If you want to be great you must apply discipline to whatever you do in order to accomplish the feat. Ain’t no way around it (Future voice). Dudes trip me up when they’re wanting so much from women, but are unwilling to put in the work to get what they want from their own lives. This goes back to the way men make commitments. Many of us have gotten used to starting something and not finishing it. There’s no way to find success in life if you can’t diligently work towards your goals in life.
Undisciplined men often have big dreams, but they don’t have the discipline to realize these dreams and they’re frustrated in life. Discipline and consistency work hand in hand. Discipline is the state of mind that you go into where you can block out all the distractions to work on one thing until you’ve mastered it. Discipline allows for you to learn, grow and improve yourself because it requires intense commitment and a long term vision of completion. If it’s not important, don’t do it. But if it’s important, you must make a commitment to it and get it done by any means necessary. If you lack discipline in your own personal life, you can make all the excuses about not wanting to be alone, but you need to be single to work on your discipline.
7. You get distracted easily
You got Facebook, text messages, phone calls, emails, work, women, children, work, sex, drugs and the list goes on. These are all legitimate distractions that we all fall for almost every single day! Maybe the woman you’re with now is a distraction. Is she? Men do this all the time because many of us are afraid of getting what we truly want in life so we take the easy route and allow women to become our biggest distraction at a time in our lives where we should be focused on manifesting purpose and happiness for ourselves.
A lot of time the new girl is another distraction. If you can’t maintain focus on your primary objectives in life, do you really think you’re in a position to entertain a new flame? Without discipline, you’re like a sailboat in the wind- going in whichever direction the wind blows. And if you’re used to many women, then that’s the wind you’ll likely get caught up in. Learning how to not fall for the bait women put out there is key to learning self-discipline. Become an observer of yourself. See how you’d normally operate and deny yourself these habitual behaviors with the mindset that- I’ll pass on that because my goals are more important to me right now and I can’t afford to split my time as of yet.
8. You’re sexually overstimulated
Most men easily become this because mass media sexual stimulation starts early and is very intense on the minds of young adults. Over exposure to sexual stimulation leads to abnormal brain development in both sexes. There are some strong hormones that secrete in our bodies that make sex addictive and the younger a boy starts this process the more likely it is that he’ll become consumed by the rewards of sex. We’re not supposed seek it early, even though we become curious during puberty. Just look at the men who got a lotta ass too young. How many have become addicts of drugs, sex and alcohol? How many ruined their careers and became horrible fathers because of their everlasting pursuit of the P-U-S-S-Y? A whole lot and everyone knows it. Boys don’t understand that sex is a distraction because it feels so good.
Sex is not the reward. It’s a bonus you get to enjoy after you’ve dedicated yourself to self-mastery. These early teenage years, a boy can be well on his way to self mastery and manhood if he’s set up on this path. This path alone will challenge him and it will quiet the body’s need for sexual validation. The sexual energy will be transmuted via his rites of passage where instead of focusing on girls, he’s focusing on fighting a lion. Unless he’s in rural Kenya, he won’t have to fight a real lion, but the moral of fighting a lion is to fight fear, learn courage, learn the value of making a decision to go after something with all your heart soul and might. Sex becomes secondary when boys get this and when he’s fought his lion, love, sex and marriage come wrapped up into one extraordinary gift that doesn’t distract him from his purpose in life.
Many men won’t get this, but they can do this for themselves when they take a real break from relationships and all sexual encounters. If no one ever taught you the importance of sexual discipline, then you gotta teach yourself. Women are only powerful when your sexual discipline is off. If you’re strong, then sex can actually be an art form that helps you heal and remain focused on your objectives in life. If you’re still hunting for your next nut, then that’s a sign your overstimulated. You need to be single to calm this fire within you and transmute its energy towards pursuing your purpose.
9. You’re not over your ex
Many men have been through a lot mentally, emotionally and financially and shouldn’t be putting themselves out there before they’re healed up. Sadly, most women have gotten used to having a man who is still upset or caught up with their ex (especially their baby’s mothers). This is the danger zone for a man. You need to be single if you’re still harboring feelings for your exes or baby mother(s). If you’re still hurt, you can’t afford to risk hurting yourself again or even worse, hurting a new woman with your shenanigans. What you can afford to do is sit your ass down focus on you. Even if you’ve got the cash flow to date and show women a good time, if you always find yourself coming back to an ex- you’re not over her and you need to cut these ties before you move on to someone new.
Men pretend to be so strong and tough about breakups when we’re actually distraught about it. We internalize things differently than women do. Sometimes the anger you have for your ex is misplaced love. Sometimes the expectations you have of a new partner is based on your ex. A lot of men need to learn how to effectively wipe the slate clean of their exes and create new standards for themselves that will lead to better relationships. This can be a tough process if you’ve always had the same kind of women; hence the same kind of relationship failures. If this is the case, it’s you who is not adjusting. The Break I speak of in my book is about being single long enough to work on improving where you need to improve the most. Getting over a woman you really loved can be difficult, but if it’s over, let that sh*t burn! Make your goals in life your first priority and things will take care of itself.
10. Your aren’t pursuing your purpose
This is what you become when life gets to you before you get to yourself. When the world sets you on the path to being a puppet for money, fame, women, cars, sex, drugs, jobs, school, sports, etc, it can be hard to know who’s the real you. The world doesn’t mind if you get strung out on any of these things. Even though school and sports can be beneficial to your development as a man, they can also be the source point of your biggest distractions in life. How many great athletes do you know who never make it pro? How many great ones have you heard of who made it pro and lost it all? A lot!
A man must have purpose in his life above all the superficial social and status quo. Many of us missed the first purpose train in our early teenage years when we initially got distracted by the demands of the world. But wisdom is learning from experiences good and bad. There’s something inside of us all that is unique to the world. Most men know they’re destined for more, but have been limited because they never had anyone telling them about their inherit greatness. They didn’t get someone who told them that they’d be the happiest and most fulfilled in life if they pursued their highest calling in life and never allow anyone or anything to distract them from this path. Not enough boys got this kind of encouragement and belief in them and that’s where this culture shortchanges men the most. These teen years are most ideal for a boy to know he has greatness in him.
I’m not much different from most men in America. I was told much of the same things- go to school, get an education, work a job, pay bills and retire with some kind of pension. Fortunately for me, I never wanted that. And every time I tried to do it, it never lasted very long. I wasn’t destined for this assembly line culture where the media inputs thoughts into your brain and leads you down a wild goose chase where there’s no happiness and fulfillment in your life- just stress, debt and desire to fit in or make others happy. I always wanted to be something unrealistic- and family and friends always told me I was too much of a big dreamer. My father always told me it’s OK to stick out like a sore thumb and that I did. I’ve always wanted to be a free man, a free thinker, a man who can do for himself and his family, a man who is sure about himself and his contributions to the world. It takes a lot to be true to your calling, but you must be willing to throw everything away if it doesn’t help you get closer to your truest self. Your purpose syncs your life with the giving of your gift to the world. This is a magical moment in a man’s life when he has become an unselfish giver of his gift. A lot of men think this process is a joke and that they can juggle women while doing so. They’re wrong. Know yourself and know what you’re here for before you let another woman believe you can love her.
Break up with her
What’s really most important to you? What you feel now or living the life of purpose, happiness and fulfillment?
I get that she may have held you down for a season while you couldn’t hold yourself down. But every man has to be willing to drown in order to swim across the oceans of his fears. If you can be better for you, you deserve to focus on that. If she cant help you improve, that’s more reason to end it. And honestly, you should be on the level where you can break up with her and she wants to wait for you. But don’t put much hope into that scenario unless you can sell it to her real well and you know you’d want to be with her once you’ve got your shit together.
Here’s a sample break up:
“Abigail! I aint got my sh*t together, you know it and I know it, too. I appreciate you loving me while I’ve been going through this stage of my life. But I know I can do better and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do, but I need time to myself to do it. I’m making a commitment to get all the things done that need to get done to help me accomplish ___________ (insert goals, dreams, steps). You know I love you and I’d like for you to wait for me while I make these moves to get things the way I want them with me and my life. But if you can’t I understand, but I must be single in this process.”