I wrote a whole book about men taking a break from relationships and I’m on a mission to inspire men of all ages, to break away from dysfunctional relationships to pursue their truest calling in life.
Black men, we’re the rare gems; the prize, the horse power, the engine, the backbone, the genius, the artist, the gods. These people went all the way out of their way to expend all this energy trying to control what we do. They didn’t do all this because we’re insignificant, even if they paint the picture that they hate us. It’s the opposite. They need us to survive and feel threatened by the very guilt of their inhumane treatment of us. We should never allow someone whose entire existence is an imitation of our history to paint us less than human and undeserving of love. Our presence alone is what keeps this very existence we live in from falling a part. Wherever we are is where life can exist; is where love can thrive.
But black men don’t know this about themselves. A lot of us want to refer the history of Ancient Egypt or various other African kingdoms of old, but our thinking today is largely influenced by trans-generational, systematic capitalistic white supremacy. Since then we’ve only had the white man’s standards of manhood to measure ourselves up to.
Now think about that: you were denied your manhood and oppressed by a creed of people and when you got a chance at freedom, you begin to imitate your oppressor? That’s supreme dysfunction.
Since slavery we’ve wanted desperately to be loved by our female counterpart, but there’s been a huge blockage placed in between us. Slavery and it’s all it’s subsequent effects is squarely responsible for the divide between the black woman and the black man. With the isolation and dehumanization of the black man, black women have been unprotected and tormented, disenfranchised and raped for hundreds of years. The problems don’t erase themselves and years later many black women still exist in an isolated state of fear where they don’t trust nor reveal their vulnerability to a man. We both must understand that the divide was necessary in order for the effects of fear and white supremacy to be passed down through generations handicapping their abilities to think for themselves and love each other. The effects of systematic emasculation that is now a trans-generational curse that only black men can remedy or repair.
Slavery and post slavery has done this to our people in America, but otherwise you can check the documentation from European slave drivers, specifically the Portuguese. They have it recorded that the black woman would follow the black man off of a cliff because they were that dedicated and loyal to him. He was God to his woman and the European man envied his status and sought to destroy it.
So why do I say take a break?
Because all of this dysfunctional history we have is traumatic AF and we need to deal with it head on rather than trying to run from it or even worst, try to continue dysfunctional love relationships that eventually break a part. Black men are the universal love machines. But we’re tired! We’re tired of running from the effects of dehumanization and sexual exploitation. We are now ready to run towards our freedom and that freedom doesn’t lie in the bosom of a woman, but rather in knowledge of self, self love and purpose. We aren’t getting very far without proper knowledge of these principles of masculinity.
It’s not a permanent break from women like the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) movement suggests. I actually am not against a permanent break if you need it, but I believe that a man who is empowered by knowledge of self and alignment with purpose will always attract to him women who want what he has to give- his love and protection. Love is free and men shouldn’t necessarily try to control it. We should guide the flow of it unto us and love the women who want to help us build our families. A man who has chosen to take a break from relationships must return to relationships with his sense of purpose leading him- not his need for sexual validation.
Black men are the original sex slaves
We’ve been programmed to fuck like our lives depend on it. That too comes from slavery and we’re still fucking like master is whipping us to. We’re unique because we’re the only people who could fuck under the conditions that Europeans put us through- I’m not saying that we wanted to. But we never died out like other people did because we did. We are a phenomenon and the world is constantly trying to hitch a free ride on a black man’s dick. Now it’s time to shut down the dick factory and starve these dick riders. It’s really at time for us to take this break. We must create space between us and our women; let them know we love them and that this break to repair the black temple of God is for the best interest of the black family. It’s not to turn our backs on them, but to invest more into ourselves in order to be strong enough to lead our families.
That includes black women
I have two children with 1.5 black women and my mother is a black woman. I know them! I know them because they tend to be the teachers of the philosophies the black community holds on to dearly. And I love them, but I know there is a significant proportion of black men who are in no position to help, lead or love black women which is why the break from relationship has to include the beloved black woman. If she understands that you value your purpose and your ability to love, provide and protect, then she should trust you as you embark on the path to learn these principles of manhood.
I know that black women are fucked up because black men are fucked up. But some black women act like their struggle is so great that the black man can’t tell her shit. Her damn struggle ain’t no greater than the collective struggle of the black family! And her struggle ain’t the right struggle to be fighting for if it’s a struggle to be independent from the very same black men she laid down and had children with. Some black women trip me out with this. These ones act like they’re the fucking Passover lamb without blemish and reproach; and once they have their allotment of children they give black men the proverbial “you better call Tyrone.” There are some black women who believe that they’ll be just fine as long as a white owned corporation will hire her because of her shiny education, her nice perm and a collection of material possessions that shows she’s dedicated to the job and the lifestyle they want her to lead. They are dead women walking.
Men who love black women must commit to black women by committing to themselves first. Even the black women who are the most supportive will struggle with the cultural mindfuck that implies that black men are inferior. Many of them aren’t aware that their fear of your success was implanted to derail the black community. The black woman is important, but she’s been played by the system to think she’s more important than her counterpart. She’s still hurt and upset at us for not being able to protect her. She’s mad that we even had to endure all that, but now she not sure if your presence means anything more than sex and a baby. And that’s real… Sad.
Dispute this if you like. Get upset if you want to. IDGAF, but you know what I speak is true.
The break is for you, man
Ultimately all I’m saying is that men who are not dedicated to their own purpose in life aren’t ready for any woman, but especially not a black woman who needs more. And while they may be in desperate need of love because of the lack of love in their upbringing or environment, taking a risk with a woman who is too damaged for your pay scale might sink you like a boat with a hole in the bottom.
The break I speak of in this post and in my book is the opportunity to know yourself and do that free from the clutches of women or expectations from anyone. I don’t advocate for you to stop calling your mother, your sister or your aunts. You must still be who you are for them, but you must not allow them to influence what you want for your life. It’s important to take a break to also figure out what kind of family you want. I have a whole chapter in the book on this because so many urban people come from broken families and most of us are confused about what we really want our family to look like.
If you’re a man like me who has two children with two women, common sense will tell you that this isn’t the epitome of family, no matter how hard you try. If the women don’t like each other because they don’t know each other, then your life will be stressful. The average woman is programmed to be jealous of any woman who she thinks her man will find attractive. If you have children with women like this, you’ll have to love them with special interest because they are concerned about their image and likeness. They don’t care much about you as a father because you’re not with them. Baby mothers aren’t wives and wives support your success, not your downfall. Don’t ever play yourself! Know the difference.
Get what you want
There was a moment in my life where I felt extremely insecure about having two different baby mothers and then I realized that I might end up with three so stop stressing about it. On my breaks, I’ve gotten a chance to know exactly what it is that I want and I know it’s not two disappointed women who thinks I fucked up their life by getting them pregnant and not staying with them. If they’re not interested in moving on or forgiving, what can you do? I had my own set up demons on me back then, but I know what I want. They weren’t it so I chose not to settle for them. IDGAF what people think, I got good love that women want. And since my most recent relationship break I don’t dish it out for free. My father passed down practicality, responsibility and accountability to me so that I can use it to better the relationships I have them, but I won’t use it to get back with them. I was reckless with my loving and got women pregnant whom I never intended on being with. Back then I thought I was just slinging that iron. I almost lost my way trying to please them in efforts to stay relevant in my children’s lives. And while I loved all the time I spent with my children, I loathed every single moment when their mom’s created disruption in my life. I own it, but I didn’t like and because I wanted more for myself relationship wise- I went out and I got that.
But not before I took a break. You can get what you want in life even if you don’t exactly know what you want, but you won’t get what you want if you don’t know yourself. That should be a single man’s mission in life.
It ain’t for everybody, no doubt. The break I speak of is more about self exploration and time to yourself, by yourself. than it is about getting to know others. You’re getting to know you and you’re facing your fears because you want to be a better version of you. You have to ignite the fire you must walk through in order to get to your truest self and your highest calling. You must learn your value and know what it is that you’re bringing to the woman you choose to be with. When you know your direction in life, you won’t be distracted by women headed in a totally different direction as you. When you know how to consciously choose your partner- you choose someone who helps you become better.
If you choose to be with a black woman after your relationship break, then do it from a position where you know her history, her struggle, her reservations, but still choose to stand firmly as the man who can lead, protect, provide and guide her while simultaneously giving her unconditional love that’s fearless empowering.
It’s break time, black men. Let’s get our shit together and then gather our women to safety.